On Tuesday, 1 June 2004, at Sasebo Elementary School, an 11-year-old girl killed her classmate, then returned to her homeroom in bloodied clothes. The classmate, Satomi Miratai, died later that day. The killer is now in juvie, apparently until 2013.
For some reason, the specifics of the murder— a seemingly normal 11-year-old girl, with a box-cutter, in a Nevada sweatshirt— made a clear impression in communal consciousness of the Internet, all around the world. Stories were posted on Internet forums across Europe, the U.S., and Asia. In Japan, especially, she became a center of attention and was given the name “Nevada-tan”; “-tan” being the way a young child would pronounce the honorific “-chan”, i.e., “Widdle Nevada”.
The investigation into her murder revealed a long story. Nevada was originally nearly a normal kid; she enjoyed Battle Royale, but of course that’s a very popular movie all over the world. Now, she was on her school’s basketball team, but her mother made her quit so that she could improve her grades. At this point Nevada became ill-willed and began to collect horror Flash movies on her website. She began to frequent violent websites, and wrote a Battle Royale fanfic and gruesome “recipes”. She focused her attention on the Internet, trying to gain fans with a LiveJournal-style diary. She rejoined the basketball team, but they excluded her from activities and she dropped out. On her diary, she wrote, “I don’t really like to play with my friends.”
Her good friend Satomi Miratai became an enemy after she slighted Nevada on her own, far more popular diary. Nevada demanded an apology, but Satomi was frank with her, calling her “pretentious”. Following this insult, Nevada focused in on Satomi as an object for her anger. She watched a horror series on television (“Monday Mystery Theater”) where many people were killed quickly and effectively with box cutters. Soon afterwards, she threatened a boy with a box cutter. Ten days later, she led Satomi into an empty classroom, covered her eyes, and slit her throat.
I have never had to do anything harder in my life than to go through college. Whether this was technically a “choice” or an “obligation”, I don’t know, but I am sure as hell it isn’t what I thought it would be.
I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t take a break, I can’t enjoy things, I can’t spend time with my friends, I can’t do things I want to do. And it’s all going to finish 2.5 months from now; then I will enter the real world to come to the conclusion that ‘Great, what am I going to do with my life now?’ because I don’t even have a job yet or any solid idea of what I want to do.
I have to go to an interview on Tuesday for a company I don’t know two shits about and beg them to accept me so I can become a productive member of society and contribute to the greater good by pushing paper around all day and continuing to hate my life while I question why I am here doing this.
Maybe I made the wrong choices, but it’s not like I can go back and correct them. Nobody ever told me these things when I was 9 was and wanted to grow up to build things and draw trucks.
Philippe Petit on the roof of the World Trade Center, before his high wire walk between the Twin Towers. (1974)
The amount of money I paid for weed for this semester equals the amount of money I paid for college for this semester.
Shows where my priorities are.
Granted just two tests have concluded: You score for primary psychopathy was higher than 96% of people who have taken this test.
I don’t consider this a personal failure at all. Morality is just a false image of a perfect world that will never exist, and if you can get somewhere with a “win at all costs” mentality, then congratulations you worked your way there and beat the system to earn it. What is completely moral in today’s world? The government? No. Business? No. People? No. Desensitization to some imaginary obligations to work with each other hand-in-hand is what separates those who are willing to settle for comfort and complacency from those that are willing to do things their own way and on their own terms. Do other people matter in the world? Yes. Is getting what you want at whatever cost you are willing to pay also important? Yes, as well.
TL;DR I think my conscience is fucked.
If you think you are a professional inspiration because you just made your first wordpress blog about all the great life journeys your 20 year old self has made at a nonprofit internship so far this summer, then get off the internet you retarded fuck.